Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
