shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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