this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
