I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize