I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
