you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
