you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize