I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
