peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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