Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
