dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
