Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
