if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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