If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
