I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
