Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
