On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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