I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
