ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
