why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
