How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
