Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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