he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
