There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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