if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
