you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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