Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize