How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i think im in europe. pls send help
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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