Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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