Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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