nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is wine microwaveable?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The power of my boobs compel you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
