omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
