i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
