is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
