You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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