I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize