Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
