anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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