walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
