This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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