I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
