and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
