Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
