what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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