I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
