Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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