Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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