I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
