I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize