I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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