I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
