so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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