I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
