so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
