Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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