I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
