Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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