I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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