I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
