I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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