the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
