Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
