my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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