Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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